The Ministry of “No”

There are many times we agree to do something but sometimes the best ministry we can have is to say “no.”

“Pastor, I know you’re busy but will you just …” No.
“We know you’re involved in a lot, but we need you to come to this meeting.” No.
“I really need to talk with you, it’ll only take a second.” No.
“We know you don’t have much, but can you give us money?” No.

Do these sound like the responses of a spiritual leader or a complete jerk? If you find it hard to say no, keep reading. If you find “no” easy to say, then you’ve probably stopped reading anyway.

We love people and we love God. Chances are high that you are in ministry and find it difficult to say no to people. The mantra of IC life can be “Always doing, never done!” But that mindset can delude us into thinking we (or the ministry we lead) are the savior of others. That we must be the ones to do the work. Constantly saying yes to every request is not only unhealthy but ungodly.

There is really only one savior, helper, teacher,  motivator, instructor, provider… and it isn’t you or me.

Our role is not to DO all the rescuing, aiding, providing, problem solving. Our role is to point everyone to the Father, through the Son, empowered by the Spirit. We are to equip the body God entrusts to us not BE the whole body.

Recently as I was reading through Isaiah, I was excited to get to Isaiah 53 – reading slower and slower longing for the pinnacle of hope in the promise of Messiah. I got to Isaiah 30 and had to stop and reflect for several days on a few choice lines of God’s word in verse 15: 

“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

God doesn’t say “in effort and exhaustion” or “in people-pleasing and meetings” will be salvation. God is very clear. Salvation is found in returning to God and resting in His strength. How are you doing at returning and resting?

When we turn down the knee-jerk reaction to say yes, our ministry skyrockets in effectiveness. We stop trying to help others and point everyone to the Helper. If you, like me, are a recovering people pleaser, here are four reasons saying no helps you and others return to God and rest in Him.

#1: Saying “no” points people to a perfect God. You can’t do everything so stop trying. When you say no to others you are modeling to them the reality that you are not all-powerful. They begin to rely less on you and more on God. God will not let them down, you will. Do you want people in your church to rely on God less and rely on you (or the ministry) more? (See, you have a chance to practice saying “no” right now.)

#2: Saying “no” reshapes our motivations. When we say no, we force ourselves to return to God to receive whatever it is that motivates us. Approval, peace, recognition, love, safety, consistency, and power all come from our perfect Father, not from saying yes to another request. Do you want to keep frantically searching for something in others you will only find graciously in God? (Say “no” without excuses!)

#3 Saying “no” gives us the bandwidth to rest. We need to rest, not just one day a week, but hourly. We need constant reminders that our brain may be saying “Always doing, never done” but our Savior says, “It is finished.” Do you want to keep feeling worn out and stretched thin because overcommitment has robbed your life of true rest? (Just say “no” and trust God to work while you rest.)

#4: Saying “no” means saying “yes.” Every single time you say no to one request, you make space to say yes to something else. Are we too busy or stressed saying “yes” to other people that we say “no” to God? Serving God doesn’t replace knowing God. By returning and resting in God expressed as an ability to say no, we may hear a still small voice comforting our nomadic IC hearts and beckoning us into the horizon of vision, mission, and meaning! Do you want to merely plod along in frustrating business brought on by too many demands and not enough focus? (Say “no”… and see where God leads you to say “yes!”)

Stay gracious, stay loving, stay strong in the Lord!

And one more thing before you go, I know you’re busy but… just kidding. (Although I hope you were going to say “no.”)

Bill Koogler
Church Strengthening Coordinator